Friend

The idea of a friend is a rather taken for granted one. We all assume to know what it means, but when we are pushed to articulate the concept, we can sometimes find that even a pair of best friends have different expectations of their friendship, or more specifically different degrees of commitment.

I will not be trying to exhaust the boundaries of friendship but I would like to add, for now, two settings, if I may, regarding friends. I personally believe one cannot offend one’s friend. One simply cannot, it is structurally not possible. Friendship, like all other meaningful relationships must be two sided. Idolizing some K pop singer is an example of an unmeaningful relationship. If you have come to accept an individual as your friend, you will never bear any ill intent or ill will against him/her. Your method might not be agreeable, but your intention will be pure. Hence you will not say things out of spite. You should strive to speak to warn, protect, encourage and to empower. Can you really bear to hold a well intended statement against your friend, no matter how crudely packaged and delivered? The recipient of the “offensive” statement, will know that such a statement is uttered out of concern, fear, or need to protect, and hence not be offended. Once your friendship is within grace, within each other’s grace, you will always give each other the benefit of the doubt. The key here is grace. Humans do not flourish under a climate of fear, not even under a climate of prosperity, we flourish under a climate of grace. Within a friendship enriched with grace, nothing one party would ever say could every offend the other. Many of us are already blessed to be sharing such a relationship with others, but we merely do not know the words to describe how we feel.

My next point is, within graceful friendships and other meaningful relationships, we cannot give anything away for free, that is to say they we cannot express an empty gesture within a graceful relationship. Within a graceful relationship the economy of emotion is not a zero sum economy. When one party gives, both parties gain. Every gesture of grace, enriches the bond, feeds the relationship, strengthen it so if and when a Draught of Time comes their bond will weather it and come out stronger…

If you were wondering what is my point is, here it is, my point is grace. A graceful friend is indeed hard to come by. Ghandi said that we should all strive to be the change we seek in the world. If we look around and find a lacking in grace, we should start with embodying grace and add to the pool.

It’s a truly exquisite feeling to be aware of the existence of another, to feel their existence as a sudden necessity, a feeling that is not shallow nor overbearing, merely final, like a conclusion to an endless question. Like stopping in your tracks and realizing that you have forgotten something. That is the feeling of awareness, that is what it means to not take someone for granted, that is the start of a graceful friendship.